The links page has been updated a little bit finally; not with particularly interesting information, but at least all the links work.
We went to O’Dowds last night, just to wind down a bit and enjoy the tolerable weather while it’s here. After several near-death traffic incidents and finally finding a parking place, we had an enjoyable time. While I’m on the subject, this is probably as good a time as any to share my vast wealth of knowledge on driving. This is not to imply that I am an exceptionally good driver, only that everyone else is exceptionally bad. So, here is a comprehensive list of driving habits, and drivers, that annoy me. Please make a conscious effort to avoid committing any of these heinous transgressions on your next trip to the store.
Phil’s List of Bad Driving Habits
1. Going too fast or too slow
Next time you are meandering down the street, take an occasional glance off to your right. You will notice several white, rectangular signs with big black numbers in the middle of them. These are “Speed Limit” signs. (Presumably named because they say “Speed Limit” at the top.) Not to play the part of Captain Obvious here, but these signs indicate the approximate speed at which you should currently be traveling. Bear in mind, this number could change frequently!!! If all else fails, just take a look around you; if you find yourself consistently having to avoid running over the person in front of you, or notice a two-block line of cars behind you, you probably need to consider making a speed adjustment. If you’re on the highway, go whatever the heck speed you want, I don’t care; just don’t do it in my lane.
2. Any Johnson County driver
I try to be a little understanding on this one, as I realize this region is still new to the entire concept of motorized travel. But come on now; when you laid down $40k for that fancy new horseless carriage, did it ever occur to you to find out how to operate it? Read the manual!!! That little lever on the left of the steering wheel? It’s called a turn signal. I know you probably don’t have a free hand, with your cell phone in one and your cigarette in the other, but at least make an effort. Speaking of your cigarette, surely if you paid that much for a car, it came with an ashtray. If it didn’t, you got ripped off. What in the world possesses you to throw your trash out the window when there’s an ashtray right by you? (Don’t answer that, I already know.) All those pedals down by your feet? Those are for speeding up and slowing down, and each should be used in different situations. And believe it or not, all those differently shaped signs and pretty colored lights all have significant meaning. The lines on the road? You guessed it, they mean stuff too. Go take a class.
3. Plaza drivers, no matter where they’re from
For some reason I have not yet figured out, all common sense and courtesy ceases as soon as anybody hits the Plaza boundaries. Those are city roads and the same rules apply there as anywhere else. You can’t just stop in the middle of the road and gawk in the store windows. There are other people on the road trying to get someplace. If you are going one direction, and want to go a different direction, this would necessitate a “turn”, and consequently an accompanying “turn signal”. See how that works? Just like anywhere else. Now about those crazy white lines at the intersections, and if you’re really supposed to stop at them like popular legend says… I’m indifferent on that one. Go with your instincts.
Believe me, there are plenty more to list, but that will do it for now. I want to allow ample time for these to propagate throughout the city, and then when all these have been solved I’ll move on to others. There’s also a lengthy list of items that fall under “Things that bother other people but not me” that I could go over.