Well ain’t this just a fine situation. I spend the majority of my days pretty bored anyway, but this has hit a new level. I don’t think I’ve watched so much television in the past year as I have in the last week. Luckily I do have a variety of programing to choose from, or at least plenty to keep me entertained. We have a Netflix account, Hulu, Amazon, and also a Plex + account. I spent this past weekend wearing out the Plex option. They recently started including movies with my account, and I really hadn’t been inclined to even look at them. Well, the recent events have certainly provided ample opportunity to check out some programming diversity, so I took a look. After browsing around a while, I decided to focus on the Zombie genre. I feel with the current virus spreading rapidly around the globe, I might be able to gain some valuable tips on how to react when it invariably mutates. (And, rest assured, it will; this is but one of the insights I was able to glean from these documentaries.) I also thought it may provide use to others if I was to list some tips here, in order to share some of the key defense methods. Keep in mind, there are many, many different strains of Zombie out there, so I tried to cover a cross-section that will keep everyone safe in any situation.
- Should you have to deal with a zombie of demonic origin, fear not. They always wear black robes with hoods, and as such are easily identifiable and dealt with. Standard weapons will suffice for defense.
- That said, should you be dealing with demonic zombies, and you happen to have been given the Key To The Gates Of Hell as a child, do NOT toss the key down a portal in an effort to end the outbreak. It will end very poorly. Unfortunately this was the conclusion of the movie, so I am not sure what the proper response would have been. But, definitely not throwing it down a portal.
- If you have the misfortune to encounter ninja zombies, your best bet is flight. Run, and run fast. Granted, you don’t really stand a chance, so you may also consider throwing up your hands and accepting your imminent demise. On the upside, once they get you, you’re done for. You aren’t reanimated as some horrible creature causing more mayhem, so don’t worry about that added indignity.
- Should your buddy/spouse/domestic partner/etc fall victim to a zombie, you should always disarm them before covering the body. That way they cannot use the weapons against you when they come back. ** Does not apply to ninja zombie victims. They’re just done.
- With the notable exception of zombies resulting from demonic possession, voodoo, or similar black magic, zombies can reliably be traced back to scientists. Usually scientists with the best intentions, but that doesn’t really matter after it’s too late. I am starting a go-fund-me page in an effort to ban science. (But it might be too late.)
- Zombies come in a wide variety of athletic ability. Some can jump, some are very quick, and some just bumble along. However, much like snakes, if you are close enough to identify them, it’s too late. Appropriate measures should be taken from a safe distance.
- Aim for the head. Duh.
List of sources cited:
- Zombie 4: After Death
- Zombie Ninjas vs Black Ops
- For a Few Zombies More ***
- The Zombie King
- Zombieland: Doubletap
- Dead Rising: Endgame
*** Footnote: The zombie outbreak in this movie, while viral in nature, ended up being sourced by extraterrestrials. I found it a fairly entertaining film, however I just do not believe there to be any factual basis for aliens causing these situations. Hence, I omitted them from the list of eradication tips.
I anticipate gathering many more tips over the coming days, and will update this list as available. Another go-to pastime has been cooking, of course. That hobby pretty much provided the weekly pics.