Or however long it’s been. That’s just an estimate. I gotta say, we are getting increasingly “loose” with our distancing or whatever the heck they call it. Not too crazy, but man I am BORED. For instance, as I mentioned briefly I am trying get back on my bicycle. Depending on who you believe out here, you aren’t supposed to even be doing that? Whatever. I need out of the house, and I ride by myself. Not to mention, I really really really need some form of exercise… If there is one positive of this situation, it’s the very light traffic while riding on the road. Much safer than usual, at least it seems to be. There are far lower odds of getting hit by a Miller Lite can, tossed from a 1 ton diesel truck as it roars past you at 70mph in a 30 zone, belching black exhaust in your face. (Not that I am stereotyping my neighbors, but yeah I guess I am.) Hopefully that holds for a while longer, it does make the ride more enjoyable.

Our other entertainment since last my last update also included a fine, fine Mother’s Day brunch yesterday. No, my mother wasn’t there, but I seldom pass up a reason to celebrate a holiday. We went up to a friends house and hung out for the better part of the day, enjoying some great food and a break in the recent hot weather. They’ve been doing a major backyard project for a while now, so we got to check out the progress on that too. Usually our little brunch parties only last a few hours, but it was such a nice day we ended up sitting on their new deck all afternoon. We had a good time, the dogs got worn out playing… All good things.

I finally lost my quarantine beard this week. The time was right. Not even really sure why I grew it out in the first place. I do hate shaving, but that’s not exactly a new sentiment. I guess my thought is, maybe it will bring good karma to end the lock down. Not to mention, now that the temps have gotten into the 90’s regularly here, the idea of a 1-inch layer of steel wool covering my face is even less appealing. The final nail in the coffin was the rather shocking amount of grey; I don’t need anything else helping me look old, thanks.

That title would be a reminder that I am again tardy with my update. Else it would be, “Happy Quatro de Mayo” I guess. Maybe I was late on purpose because the latter doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. But the simple fact is, I am yet again light on content. What can ya’ do. I have some food pictures and… Maybe some dog pictures if I dig around. I guess one thing I did last week was break out my bicycle. That pastime has been sidelined for quite some time now, far too long. It took a little maintenance, but I got my mountain bike back rolling without too much trouble. Actually, it barely has any brakes, but to be honest someone in my current physical condition needs to focus more on going than stopping anyway. I’ve been on a grand total of two (very light) rides; Hopefully I can hold onto this momentum. Other than those two brief forays outside, we’ve remained effectively quarantined. I am honestly a little (a very little) concerned that I may be getting used to it. We were invited to a fiesta dinner this evening and I’m like “Nah I think I’m good thanks.”

If you didn’t pick up on it, “QT” stands for that “Q” word affecting us all. I don’t know how to spell it, and this whole situation has rendered me too lazy to look it up, so I’ll just throw a made-up abbreviation out there and hope for the best. Once again, predictably, I have no material to work with. I could review the 47 movies I watched over the weekend, but everyone probably saw them years ago. I don’t recall any of them being particularly notable either. (One exception might be “The Assignment.” You may not have seen that one. If not, don’t.) On the big house selling front, we do have some big news! No, no we don’t. Nothing. Total silence. No offers, no showings, no nothing. Bah. We’re just about to pull it off the market and accept our fate in the hellish ‘burbs of El Dorado Hills. Could be worse. I’m not sure how, but that seems to be a popular phrase.

Really about our only “event” over the weekend was a “virtual wine tasting.” And as a matter of fact, it wasn’t even on the weekend, it was last Thursday. The drill here is, you go to a nearby winery (or, liquor store in this case,) buy a set couple of bottles, and then at some predetermined time there is a video call where you taste the wines with other dorks. This has become rather popular around here lately for obvious reasons, and I’ve been wanting to participate in one of them for a while. And now I suppose I have. Check that one off. It was “OK.” The winemaker was actually online with us and he was quite interesting to listen to, so that was a bonus. Interesting for about 20 minutes anyway… Unfortunately it went on for 1.5 hours. Well past my rather stunted attention span. I guess you could always just drop off, but I didn’t want to be rude. Oh well, it was something to do, passed the time for one evening anyway. I can say, in all honesty, I had nothing better to do.

What can I say; I got nothin’. Guess I’ll throw up a few pictures and call it good. OK, in all honesty I had a barbecue for Easter and invited a few people over. Shhhhhh. Other than that, all quiet on the western front.

Well ain’t this just a fine situation. I spend the majority of my days pretty bored anyway, but this has hit a new level. I don’t think I’ve watched so much television in the past year as I have in the last week. Luckily I do have a variety of programing to choose from, or at least plenty to keep me entertained. We have a Netflix account, Hulu, Amazon, and also a Plex + account. I spent this past weekend wearing out the Plex option. They recently started including movies with my account, and I really hadn’t been inclined to even look at them. Well, the recent events have certainly provided ample opportunity to check out some programming diversity, so I took a look. After browsing around a while, I decided to focus on the Zombie genre. I feel with the current virus spreading rapidly around the globe, I might be able to gain some valuable tips on how to react when it invariably mutates. (And, rest assured, it will; this is but one of the insights I was able to glean from these documentaries.) I also thought it may provide use to others if I was to list some tips here, in order to share some of the key defense methods. Keep in mind, there are many, many different strains of Zombie out there, so I tried to cover a cross-section that will keep everyone safe in any situation.

1. Should you have to deal with a zombie of demonic origin, fear not. They always wear black robes with hoods, and as such are easily identifiable and dealt with. Standard weapons will suffice for defense.
2. That said, should you be dealing with demonic zombies, and you happen to have been given the Key To The Gates Of Hell as a child, do NOT toss the key down a portal in an effort to end the outbreak. It will end very poorly. Unfortunately this was the conclusion of the movie, so I am not sure what the proper response would have been. But, definitely not throwing it down a portal.
3. If you have the misfortune to encounter ninja zombies, your best bet is flight. Run, and run fast. Granted, you don’t really stand a chance, so you may also consider throwing up your hands and accepting your imminent demise. On the upside, once they get you, you’re done for. You aren’t reanimated as some horrible creature causing more mayhem, so don’t worry about that added indignity.
4. Should your buddy/spouse/domestic partner/etc fall victim to a zombie, you should always disarm them before covering the body. That way they cannot use the weapons against you when they come back. ** Does not apply to ninja zombie victims. They’re just done.
5. With the notable exception of zombies resulting from demonic possession, voodoo, or similar black magic, zombies can reliably be traced back to scientists. Usually scientists with the best intentions, but that doesn’t really matter after it’s too late. I am starting a go-fund-me page in an effort to ban science. (But it might be too late.)
6. Zombies come in a wide variety of athletic ability. Some can jump, some are very quick, and some just bumble along. However, much like snakes, if you are close enough to identify them, it’s too late. Appropriate measures should be taken from a safe distance.
7. Aim for the head. Duh.

List of sources cited:

1. Zombie 4: After Death
2. Zombie Ninjas vs Black Ops
3. For a Few Zombies More ***
4. The Zombie King
5. Zombieland: Doubletap
6. Dead Rising: Endgame

*** Footnote: The zombie outbreak in this movie, while viral in nature, ended up being sourced by extraterrestrials. I found it a fairly entertaining film, however I just do not believe there to be any factual basis for aliens causing these situations. Hence, I omitted them from the list of eradication tips.

I anticipate gathering many more tips over the coming days, and will update this list as available. Another go-to pastime has been cooking, of course. That hobby pretty much provided the weekly pics.